i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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