I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
