Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
