I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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