I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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