found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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