i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
