I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
