Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
