Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
