well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
