reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
