just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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