i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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