i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
