What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
