Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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