i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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