this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
