ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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