Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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