he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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