Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
