I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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