this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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