man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
