FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
