This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
