You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
