Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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