I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
