All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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