trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
