New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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