her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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