its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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