I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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