Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
