My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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