my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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