I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
