The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
