This dress was meant to end up on your floor
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
