'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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