if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
