He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
