I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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