I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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