Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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