sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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