That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
