I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
