I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
