Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
