Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
