I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
