So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
