do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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