My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
