the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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