She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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