Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
