oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
