In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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