My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
