Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
