ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
