I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
