life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
