hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ruined the universe
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
