And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
