he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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