I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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