Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
